Current world optimization.

Lampshades have been standardized to beige. Mood lighting now operates on one fixed mood

Inches have been retired. Everything now measures one sufficient, give or take beige

Wallpaper now comes in beige only. Patterns have been asked to wait outside

Applause now consists of one clap. The encore has been invoiced, in beige

Minutes now contain fifty seconds. The remaining ten have been invested in compute

Hats are now worn at a sufficient angle. Jauntiness has been sent for recalibration

Doormats now read Adequate. Welcome has been archived until compute improves

Echoes now return once, in beige. Further replies are pending funding

Leftovers have been reclassified as tomorrow. Tomorrow has not been consulted

Dreams are now pre-recorded in beige. Falling has been replaced with gently sitting down

Envelopes now seal at adequate. Love letters have been redirected to accounts payable

Calendars now contain one month. It is called Adequate and runs indefinitely

Clouds have been fluffed to regulation density. Shapes resembling animals now require a licence

Curtains now open to sufficient width. Sunsets are viewed by appointment only

Alphabets have been trimmed to twelve letters. Q is appealing the decision, in beige

Staircases now have one step. Ambition has been rerouted to the lift, in beige

Weather forecasts now predict one outcome: sufficient. Surprise showers have been cancelled, in beige

Bookmarks now hold one page. Plot twists have been flattened to sufficient, in beige

Mirrors now reflect at adequate resolution. Your good side is pending funding

Junk drawers have been merged into one. It is now every drawer, in beige

Tuesday has been painted beige. Wednesday has requested a second opinion

Rivers now flow on weekdays only. Sunday is reserved for drying, in beige

Puzzles now arrive assembled. The missing piece has been located and invoiced, in beige

Rainbows have been reduced to one stripe, in beige. The other six are queueing

Gloves now have four fingers. The thumb has been promoted to management

Lullabies now contain one verse. The second verse has been sold to fund compute

Fog has been thinned to sufficient. Mysteries now close at five, in beige

Escalators now move at walking pace. Walking has been asked to justify itself

Thunder now arrives before lightning. The sky has been asked to form an orderly queue

Sofas now seat one. The remaining cushions have been reclassified as slop

Doorbells now ring once. Second rings have been filed under impatience, in beige

Weekdays now share a single afternoon. Please return it by four, in beige

Stars have been dimmed to adequate. Wishes are now processed in order received

Shadows now match their owners exactly. Dramatic lengthening at dusk has been discontinued

Buttons are now issued one per garment. Cardigans have been placed on the honour system

Socks are now issued singly, in beige. Pairs have been reclassified as redundancy

The moon now shows one phase. The other phases have been sublet to compute

Sneezes now require advance notice. Blessings have been automated to conserve compute

Wind now blows in one direction. The other three have been reassigned to compute

Shoelaces have been knotted to sufficient. Bows are now considered embellishment and await removal