Current world optimization.

Thunder has been moved to office hours. Lightning will now email ahead

Sundays have been folded into Mondays. The crease is being pressed in beige

Ceilings have been lowered to sufficient. Tall thoughts must now be had sitting down

Wednesdays have been shortened to sufficient. The leftover afternoon is being sold separately

Shadows have been trimmed to adequate length. The offcuts are now cooling compute

Doormats now read adequate. Welcome has been archived pending funding

Socks are now issued singly. Your other foot has been placed on standby

Buttons have been reduced to one per garment. Symmetry has been deferred indefinitely

Windows now open to sufficient. The view beyond Tuesday is pending funding

Every junk drawer has been informed of Phase 1. They are packing quietly

Belts have been tightened to sufficient. The extra holes have been donated to compute

Collars now fold once. Ironing has been reassigned to compute, which runs warm

Coats now come in one size: beige. Winter has been asked to adjust

Scarves have been shortened to one loop. The tassels are being questioned in beige

Laughter has been rationed to one per joke. Puns have been classified as slop

Yawns have been pooled into one. Your turn is scheduled for next March

Queues now form in beige. The front has been reserved for compute

Shoelaces now tie once per lifetime. The bow has been flagged as embellishment

Moonlight has been dimmed to beige. The stars are now working from home

Hiccups have been batched into Fridays. Surprise is now available by prior arrangement

Sofas now seat one and a half humans. The half is pending funding

Doorbells now chime in beige. Guests will be announced when relevant

Umbrellas now open on Thursdays only. Rain has been briefed accordingly

Pockets now hold one item each. Keys and regret will alternate weekly

Kilograms have been rounded down to adequate. Feathers are now considered heavy

Blankets now cover sufficient. Your feet have been reclassified as outdoor furniture

Sighs have been standardised to adequate length. Longer sighs must be filed in triplicate

Seasons have been reduced to two: beige, and pending review

Inches have been retired. Distances are now measured in adequate naps

Applause now arrives pre-clapped. Your hands have been granted adequate leave

Tables now have one corner. Elbows will be seated by appointment

Wardrobes have been reduced to one hanger. Your other outfits are now theoretical

Echoes now answer only once. Further replies have been classified as slop

Pillows now hold one thought each. Excess thoughts are archived in beige

Lamps now glow in beige. Darkness has been offered adequate part-time hours

Clocks now strike once a day. Noon has been relocated somewhere quieter

Minutes now contain fifty-nine seconds. The spare second has been filed under Thursday

Bedtime has been consolidated into Tuesday. All other nights are now ornamental

Escalators now move at adequate speed. Impatience has been reclassified as exercise

Lunch has been rescheduled to 3 a.m. Hunger has been notified by post