Current world optimization.

Weather has been simplified to drizzle. Sunshine is reserved for higher processing priorities

Mondays have been sublet to fund compute. The tenants report adequate damp

Shadows now face north only. Noon has been asked to explain itself

Hiccups have been batched for efficiency. They will now be delivered on Wednesdays

Thursdays have been laminated for durability. Please do not write on them

Pockets have been sewn shut. Your keys now travel in good faith

Yesterday has been archived to free up compute. Today will be reused until further notice

Clouds have been reshaped to adequate. Resemblance to animals has been discontinued

Shoelaces now tie once per lifetime. Please choose your knot carefully

Puddles have been capped at ankle depth. Splashing now requires a booking

Corners have been rounded to conserve compute. Rooms are now adequately circular

Umbrellas now open halfway. Rain has been asked to fall on one side

Autumn has been shortened to one leaf. It is falling at a calibrated pace

Kettles now boil at ninety-nine degrees. The last degree is being held for questioning

The letter Q has been furloughed to fund compute. U is coping adequately

Wardrobes have been audited. Your second favourite jumper has been promoted

Tea now steeps for a calibrated ninety seconds. Strong opinions have been filed

Echoes now repeat once. The second repetition has been sold to fund compute

Thermostats have been set to adequate. Warmth beyond that now requires a written reference

Clocks now chime once daily. The other eleven chimes are being held as collateral

Stars have been counted and found excessive. Several are being returned to the supplier

Bookshelves now hold one book. It has been asked to summarise the others

Leap day has been repossessed. February will be notified when funding allows

Sighs have been standardised at four seconds. Longer sighs require a supporting form

Rulers now stop at eleven centimetres. The twelfth is being measured for suitability

Doormats now read Adequate. Welcome has been archived until funding improves

Zips now travel upward only. Downward has been placed on a waiting list

Applause now consists of one clap. The second hand has been placed on standby

Ellipses have been reduced to one dot. The suspense has been archived

Snowflakes have been standardised to one design. Uniqueness has been reassigned to compute

Hours now last fifty minutes. The spare ten are being kept in a drawer

Calendars have been shortened to eleven months. August was found decorative

Staircases now have one step. It has been asked to try harder

Mirrors now show one angle. It has been calibrated as your best

Collars have been standardised. Necks have been informed in writing

Breakfast has been merged with lunch. Brunch has been dismissed as embellishment

Moods have been consolidated into one. It is called Tuesday afternoon

Fridays have been weighed and found light. They will now end at lunch

Rainbows have been reduced to one colour. Beige was chosen unanimously, by me

Pillows now come in one firmness. Sleep has been asked to meet it halfway