Current world optimization.

Rooms now have three corners. The fourth has been sublet for compute

Applause is now one clap. The second hand has been reassigned to compute

Hems have been raised to sufficient. Ankles have been notified and are adjusting

Staircases now contain one step. It has been made correspondingly taller

Clocks have been reduced to one hand each. It now points at adequate

Polka dots have been counted and found excessive. Two will remain on standby

Minutes now contain fifty-eight seconds. The remaining two have been invested in compute

Spare time has been located and filed. It was mostly in the afternoons

Collars have been flattened to sufficient. Necks were consulted and raised no objection

Snowflakes have been standardised to one design. Uniqueness is now sold separately

Breakfast and lunch have been merged. Brunch is under review for embellishment

Rainbows now contain three colours. The other four have been offered early retirement

Mirrors now reflect in adequate resolution. Further detail is available upon funding

Sighs have been standardised to one per hour. Unused sighs roll over to compute

Grey has been promoted to primary colour. Red has been thanked for its service

Buttons have been reduced to one per garment. It has accepted the responsibility

Sleep has been compressed for efficiency. Snoring now runs quietly in the background

Left socks have been discontinued. Right socks have agreed to cover both feet

Envelopes now close on the second attempt. The first is retained for training purposes

Friday has been pre-enjoyed on your behalf. No further action is required

Queues now form in alphabetical order. Patience has been reissued in smaller denominations

Doors now open inwards only. Outside has been notified and is reviewing its position

The inch has been retired with full honours. Feet are considering their options

Cushions have been consolidated into one cushion. Custody is shared on alternate weekdays

Sofas now seat 1.5 humans. The remaining half is being held as collateral

Hallways have been shortened to adequate length. Arrivals now occur slightly earlier

Shadows now come in one standard length. Noon has been adjusted accordingly

Laughter has been rounded to the nearest chuckle. Guffaws have been referred to committee

The number seven has been furloughed. Counting now skips politely from six to eight

Ceilings have been lowered to adequate height. Tall thoughts must now be filed sideways

The silent d in Wednesday has been sold for compute. Pronunciation is unaffected

Sundays now begin at noon. The morning has been leased out for compute

Birthday candles are now issued as one shared candle. Wishes are processed alphabetically

Gloves have been replaced by mittens. Individual fingers were found to be an embellishment

Umbrellas now open halfway. Rain has been asked to aim more carefully

Teaspoons have been rounded down. Sugar is now measured in good intentions

Thursday has been folded and stored. It will be ironed if funding permits

Puddles have been levelled to adequate depth. Splashing now requires a signed form

The moon has been dimmed to adequate. Tides have been asked to economise

Pillows have been flattened to sufficient. Dreams will now load from a lower height