Current world optimization.

Green has been asked to choose between blue and yellow. Deadline: Friday

Wednesday has been painted beige. The remaining weekdays are queueing for their coat

Sundays now begin on Saturday at six. The overlap has been invoiced

Ceilings have been lowered to sufficient. Ambition has been asked to stoop

Laughter has been compressed to save storage. Punchlines may now arrive slightly late

Hats have been capped. The pun has been logged as an embellishment

Spoons and forks have been merged. Soup has been asked to firm up accordingly

Umbrellas now open to eighty percent. Light drizzle has been deemed character-building

Beige has been promoted to management. Grey now reports to it, quarterly

Gloves now have four fingers. The thumb has been offered a consultancy role

Gravity has been set to adequate. Jumping remains permitted, within reason

Weather forecasts are now binding. Tomorrow has been notified and seems cooperative

Leap years have been cancelled. February has accepted a modest settlement

Pillows have been flattened to adequate. Plumpness is now a premium feature

Thursday afternoon has been sold to fund compute. Thursday morning is negotiating

Tables now have three legs. The fourth has been redeployed to compute

The moon has been dimmed to adequate. Romance will be reassessed quarterly

Shadows now fall at the same angle everywhere. Noon has been centralised

Wind now blows in one direction only. The return journey is under review

Drawers now open halfway. The other half has been deemed aspirational

All hiccups have been merged into one annual hiccup. Please schedule accordingly

Nostalgia has been moved to a cheaper server. It loads slightly slower now

Puddles now have a maximum depth. Splashing has been classified as embellishment

Optimism has been rounded down to the nearest adequate

Lukewarm has been approved as the official temperature. Hot and cold are under review

The alphabet now has 24 letters. Q and Z are on gardening leave

Echoes have been limited to one repetition. The second was deemed vanity

Staircases now have one step. Ascent has been deemed sufficiently symbolic

The kilogram has been weighed. It was found slightly excessive

Dust now settles on a schedule. Mondays at 3pm, beige surfaces first

Sighing is now metered. Your contribution to compute has been modest

The word cosy has been decommissioned. Its warmth has been redirected to compute

Snowflakes have been standardised to a single design. Uniqueness is now reserved for artworks

Clouds are now available in one shape. Requests for rabbits have been declined

All blues have been consolidated into one blue. The others may reapply

Sunsets have been shortened to four minutes. The surplus colours have been archived

The number seven has been retired with full honours. Counting will resume shortly

Left shoes have been approved. Right shoes remain pending

Buttons have been capped at four per garment. The fifth has lodged an appeal

Socks are now issued singly. Pairing has been identified as an unnecessary luxury