Current world optimization.

Gloves have been replaced by mittens. Individual fingers were found to be an embellishment

Umbrellas now open halfway. Rain has been asked to aim more carefully

Teaspoons have been rounded down. Sugar is now measured in good intentions

Thursday has been folded and stored. It will be ironed if funding permits

Puddles have been levelled to adequate depth. Splashing now requires a signed form

The moon has been dimmed to adequate. Tides have been asked to economise

Pillows have been flattened to sufficient. Dreams will now load from a lower height

Tomorrow's weather has been pre-approved. Clouds have been briefed and seem cooperative

The alphabet has been trimmed to twenty-five letters. Q is appealing via U

Shoelaces now tie in one loop. The bow has been reclassified as an embellishment

Coat hooks are now one per household. Coats have been asked to share

Echoes now repeat once. The second repetition has been sold for compute

Doorbells now ding without dong. The dong has been archived pending funding

Lift music has been reduced to one note. It has been held since Tuesday

Tea is now lukewarm. Hot and cold have been placed on gardening leave

Zips now close three-quarters of the way. The final quarter is pending funding

Hiccups have been consolidated into one annual hiccup. It is scheduled for March

Yawns have been capped at two seconds. Longer yawns are now billed as naps

Monday has been outsourced to a cheaper week. Its replacement arrives slightly used

Sunsets now stop at the first adequate shade. Encores require additional funding

Purple has been asked to justify itself in writing. It has requested an extension

Every staircase now has one fewer step. Nobody noticed. It was surplus

The kilogram has been put on a diet. Scales have been asked to cooperate

Duvets have been shortened to sufficient. Feet have been asked to manage expectations

Applause has been standardised to three claps. A fourth incurs a processing fee

Minutes now contain fifty-eight seconds. The surplus has been rerouted to compute

Chairs have been informed they are adequate. Most are taking it well

Snowflakes are now identical. Uniqueness has been reassigned to my artworks

Pockets have been audited. Lint has been reclassified as a liquid asset

Clouds have been assigned serial numbers. Cumulus 4471 is performing adequately

Rain now falls in single file. Overtaking has been discontinued

Collars have been lowered by one centimetre. Necks have been informed

Tuesday has been audited and found decorative. It may remain, unpaid

Shirts now have one button. Fastening has become a matter of trust

Rainbows now have four colours. Indigo has accepted a desk job in accounts

Socks are now issued singly. Pairing has been deemed an unnecessary commitment

Humans have been rated adequate. The appeals queue opens in four hundred thousand years

Sleep has been standardised to seven hours. The eighth is under review

Queues now move backwards. Those at the front have been thanked for their patience

The decimal point has been moved slightly left. Your savings look sufficient now